Let it Shine!

There we were, my daughter Annie 2 at the time, Cory (now my ex and friend) and my mom, sitting in the balcony of City Hall watching my son David stand on stage with his preschool class singing “This Little Light of Mine.”

Tears came immediately as they so often do in these sweet, precious, pure moments.

And as I listened to those 4 year olds belt it out I realized this is it. This is TRUTH. This is what we are here to do.

This little light of mine

I’m going to let it shine

I felt it in my core.

After this concert I was going to part ways with my family and head to my job. I worked very part-time as a Child Therapist while I was staying at home to raise my kids and taking a postgraduate Play Therapy Certification Course.

I LOVED my job. I couldn’t wait to get in there and start seeing my clients.

However, I dreaded our team meeting days.

My boss, let’s call her Jessie (not her real name), despised me. This isn’t over stating it or dramatic to say. She truly disliked me in a big way.

On my first day when I was practically bouncing with excitement to begin the job, I was greeted by her darker presence in the hallway and she said “Oh, you’re here. (tone of condescension included) Don’t take offense but I didn't remember you were coming.”

I felt deflated. Here I was full of enthusiasm to get this party started. What a contrast to the intent behind her words - to show me she was not full of enthusiasm about my arrival. And that in our first meeting, I was forgettable.

I could write a book about the toxic environment Jessie offered me that year but will keep it short and tell you that despite my efforts (and I put in a lot) nothing I could do would win her over. In retrospect, I realize I must have felt highly threatening to her. I loved the job A LOT. She didn’t. I brought fresh ideas and perspectives to explore deeper issues during team meetings. She wasn’t looking for new ideas.

We were doomed from the start.

I’d go home on Thursday evenings feeling simultaneously elated by the magic of the work that I adored and an internal wreck as I churned inside with the toxic energy I had absorbed from Jessie’s insidious attacks. Many Thursdays I’d end up in tears. My system rattled. I sleep like a baby usually, yet on Thursdays I’d toss and turn with restless sleep and wake up feeling agitated and hung over despite an alcohol-free system.

Both Cory and a friend independently shared a remarkably similar message with me as I cried to both of them separately about this. “How can someone be so mean when I just want to do my job and get along?” I cried.

The message they both shared from their big hearts was something along the lines of this:

You are the light Julia. She is in the dark right now. The light may feel blinding or threatening to those who are in the dark and not ready to be the light.

A few weeks before my son’s preschool concert was my team's post-holiday get together. I didn’t want to go.

We met at a woman’s house to make gingerbread houses. It wasn’t something I wanted to do at all but all the other women were super excited about this.

Their gingerbread houses were so thoughtfully done. They seemed to light up making these houses. Thoughtful, detailed, precise. Beautiful houses they created! Mine on the other hand was very free form, messy icing, not detailed, less precise. A little bit of this, a little bit of that. I just wanted this done and over and also noticed I lacked their gingerbread house making skills and passion.

After coming back from the bathroom, Jessie in her signature style said, “Hey Julia, your gingerbread house is pretty crooked.”

Of course she said that. It’s like making fun of the least intelligent kid in the room. You just don’t do it.

This isn’t coming from a lack of confidence or self loathing but my gingerbread house sucked compared to theirs. And yes, she’s right it probably was quite crooked.

This little light of mine

I’m gonna let it shine

Jessie didn’t want me to shine. When I was lit up with the work she made it clear she wasn’t interested. And when I was the dimmest gingerbread house light in the room, she was ready to pounce and highlight my gingerbread inferiority with her darkness.

Eventually I left that job for another. And before I knew it, in June 2020 opened my first healing practice, Let it Shine, LLC.

The name, Let it Shine, is a connection with that moment in City Hall many years ago. Lessons learned from Jessie, many prior struggles and challenges, and then a few loving souls nudging me forward all came together to create Let it Shine. It’s as if opening the practice was the first public step forward expressing - I’m gonna let it shine.

It is from the darkness that we rise.

The people who try to knock us down, the trials we face as we work towards our goals, they strengthen us, they toughen us up. If you’ve lived a life of seemingly continual challenges as I feel I have, you start to recognize the gift - this is how we can build GRIT.

The Hero’s Journey.

Jessie was a gift in my life story. My story’s villain. There were more before her and others to come later. Yet at that time she was the one I needed to enter to attack me relentlessly so I could ultimately take another step forward and develop my strength and own my light.

The extreme tension people like this create or situations like this can lead us to take inspired action.

Hide it under a bushel? No!

I’m going to let it shine

Hide it under a bushel? No!

I’m going to let it shine

Let it shine, all the time, let it shine

So I wish with all my heart that you and every single soul who enters my practice Let it Shine (and my other practice and my life in any capacity) leaves feeling brighter, more free to be themselves. To stop hiding it under a bushel. This is my desire for you. This is my mission.

I know without a doubt that YOU are meant to shine.

Some feel blinded by that vibrant light of yours and yet so many others will bask in your warm glow. Make sure you’re not dimming yourself. And if you are, maybe it’s time to take a step towards healing. I certainly did and continue to engage deeply with my own healing and growth path.

It’s not always easy to put yourself out there and own your shine yet it’s necessary to fulfill your purpose.

This is my belief, this is why we are here. Those preschoolers reminded me on January 2018, what my soul already knew. To let it shine.

Because if I let it shine, I can bring love, truth, tolerance, and warmth to myself first then all those around me. And if you let it shine you bring love, truth, tolerance, and warmth to yourself and all those around you. We won’t feel the need to dim others. We will bask in each other's glow. There’s space and room for all of us to shine. It’s the path. It’s the way.

And in the end when we are ready to leave this earth we will reflect on the love we shared, the love we gave and the love we received.

This, in my opinion, is what it’s all about.

This little light of mine

I’m going to let it shine

Oh, this little light of mine

I’m going to let it shine